


you don’t need a heart

by raae



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Blood, Blood Drinking, Happy Halloween!!, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, Vampires, junmyeon is very sad :(, sorta?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-31
Updated: 2020-10-31
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:13:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27306829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raae/pseuds/raae
Summary: junmyeon would give up everything to be with sehun again
Relationships: Kim Junmyeon | Suho/Oh Sehun
Comments: 8
Kudos: 24





	you don’t need a heart

**Author's Note:**

> tw for cutting (not in a self-harm way!) proceed with caution if it triggers you in any way.

_It’s been two years._

The night is dark, humid, _freezing_ as Junmyeon, clad in a simple hooded black cloak and a pair of hiking boots, strays from the narrow moonlit path that cuts across the woods and wanders deeper into the darkness of the forest, a pocket knife in hand and an aching emptiness in his heart.

_It’s been two years, two years since he’s last touched him, since he’s last felt the warmth of his body._

It’s silent. It’s all silent around him, dead, save for the telltale scrunching sound of fallen leaves marking his every step and the faint whistling of the October wind blowing through those that haven’t fallen yet, hopelessly holding on to the lifeless branches of those tall, tall secular trees that haven’t seen the horrors of the new world yet, stuck in a time where cars and electronic devices were nothing but a cloudy, grainy distant future.

Junmyeon’s hands are shaking, he knows, he can see their trembling getting worse and worse as he walks on, but somehow, too caught up in the heavy darkness of his surroundings, he can’t feel it. He can’t feel anything, from the frantic beating of his heart to the fear coursing through his veins.

He can’t feel him, either.

_He remembers him, remembers him still, like it was yesterday and not two years back, the way his eyes would light up at the smallest praise, the way he would laugh at the world, loud, unrestrained. The way he would shake, tremble, break under Junmyeon’s doting hands, warm, impossibly alive even in the dead of the night._

It’s easy, distracting himself from his own thoughts when he can barely see what he’s stepping on. He relies on his ears, squints his eyes, tries his best to stay somewhat lucid, to not trip over a rock or rouse a sleeping snake. He’s gotten good at this, walking through the darkness, now that even the sole sight of the sun has become a pain. Nothing is more of a home to him these days than the night, calm, quiet, slow, now that the bright light of day has betrayed him, fading, falling out of his hands like sand in the wind.

The wind picks up. It carries a promise, one of blood.

_Without him, nothing is the same. Without him, the world is more of a cage to Junmyeon than it is a chance of life. The things they would do together, he can’t do them anymore. He can’t stay in his house anymore, afraid that the ghost of what has been will come back to haunt him in a moment of weakness, feast on his last shreds of humanity. And even if feeling doesn’t rhyme with breathing anymore in the tragedy of Junmyeon’s life, an impossible task when the only recipient of his emotions has been ripped away from him, he still misses him. It’s all he feels now, the emptiness he’s left behind._

He’s getting closer to the heart of the forest, he can feel it. He feels it in the way the wind is weaker, colder here, in the way it caresses his skin, lovely, more delicate, in the way the darkness has started to consume him, painting him gray, biting at the last of sanity, dragging him further into the shadows with each steps he takes.

Somehow, it feels liberating. He’s so close.

_He’s lost his meaning. It’s gone, along with his love, and he lives because there’s just a hand he’d die in, a hand that he hasn’t felt on his naked skin in so, so long._

It’s time. The air is wet, cold, heavy, and it’s time. Junmyeon raises the knife, slashes the blade across the soft, pale skin of his wrist, drawing blood, enough leave a trail behind, but too little to kill him. Just enough to lure _him_ out.

Junmyeon extends his arm behind his back, tilts his wrist towards the earth beneath him, lets the blood drip onto the wet soil. He walks the last few meters to the core of the forest, raises his head to the pitch black sky above him. The moon, round and full and beautiful, shining silver, reflects into his eyes, and for the last time, Junmyeon lets himself hope.

_It’s been two years. Two years since a beast of the night turned his Sehun into one of their kind, ripped him out of Junmyeon’s loving hold and set a timer for the latter’s life._

_Because without Sehun, Junmyeon simply can’t be._

He feels him, now. He’s quicker on his feet than he used to be when he still had a beating heart, but his steps still sound the same, light, graceful. Somehow, the wind seems to carry his name. The forest stills, waiting with bated breath, curiously watching the scene unfold before its eyes. Junmyeon suppresses a sob once he feels the other close enough, his sleeping heart waking up in his chest, lowering the hood of his cloak with trembling hands as he turns towards what used to be his only reason to live.

“Sehun.” He whispers in the stillness of the night.

_They used to talk a lot, back then. They shared their secrets, bared their hearts to one another, until there was nothing they were hiding, not anymore. They were in love. They were happy, happy to be together, happy to exist in the same timeframe. They thought it was fate, and they wanted it to last._

_“If I were to go, would you come with me?” Sehun had asked, looking young and beautiful and he smiled at Junmyeon, his eyes crinkling at the corners._

_“Absolutely.” Junmyeon had answered immediately, not a beat of hesitation._

Sehun is still beautiful, and he’s always been. True beauty never dies, timeless, unforgettable, and Junmyeon falls, over and over again, like he did when they first met each other, when Sehun first smiled at him, when they shared their first kiss, when he first had the chance to get a glimpse of Sehun’s glorious body, when they first had sex, when Sehun had told him, a laugh hiding in the upturned corners of his lips, _“just you wait, hyung, one day, you and I will be wearing matching rings.”_

What a shame, Junmyeon thinks bitterly, tears in his eyes as he stares at the love of his life, paler and darker but no less beautiful, that they never were meant to be. That no matter how hard they loved each other, life never gave them the chance to have their own happy ending.

“Sehun.” He repeats, and he sounds so weak, his voice barely above a whisper, sad, broken. “Sehunnie, do you remember me?”

Of course, Sehun doesn’t answer. He doesn’t remember him, Junmyeon knows that, he _knows_ , he knew that even before setting foot into this forest, this wet, cold, dark place that will probably be the last one to see him alive.

Sehun looks so composed now, strong, invincible in his impassiveness. Junmyeon, on the other hand, can’t stop thinking of who he used to be when he was alive, bright and young and cute, and his tears finally start falling, copious, unrelenting.

It’s been two years since he’s last cried, and he’s here, standing in front of the person that has witnessed his tears over and over again, has brushed them away, kissed his wet lips when the pain was too strong, but has forgotten everything. _Everything_. Of them, nothing is left, nothing but the very last pieces of the faded memories left in Junmyeon’s head, disappearing into nothingness as the days pass.

And Junmyeon, he can’t live with this knowledge, not another day, not when Sehun is still on this earth but will never, ever remember him again.

“Sehun,” he whispers, stepping closer, not an ounce of fear in his system, smiling sadly at him as the vampire frowns, not understanding the reason behind Junmyeon’s presence, behind the cut running across his wrist, behind the tears rolling down his cheeks. “My Sehun…” Junmyeon brings a hand to his face, and his skin is still as soft as it used to be, if not more, just colder, perfect in a way that only death can be. “Y-you’re still so beautiful…” And he is. God, is he.

“Do I know you?” Sehun asks, and oh, his voice sounds the exact same. Low, melodic, calm. Junmyeon sobs, wanting nothing more than to turn back time and hold him in his arms again.

“No,” Junmyeon answers, and it tears him up inside. “You don’t. Not anymore.”

“What do you want?” Sehun asks again, and this time, the question sounds harsh, accusing, maybe. His frown has deepened, making him looking even more deadly than before.

_This is it_ , Junmyeon thinks as he stares at Sehun’s red irises, _it’s the end._

“I bet you’re thirsty, r-right?” He says, laughing derisively at himself because even if Sehun is a heartless killing machine now, Junmyeon still talks to him like a selfless fool, too soft, too affectionate. “J-just. Use me. Drink from me. Kill me. Make this end, I-I can’t take it anymore.”

Sehun sighs, looking annoyed. He’s judging him so hard, Junmyeon knows that. He’s still the same, somehow. “You humans,” he says, inching closer to Junmyeon’s shaking frame. “Are a bunch of careless idiots.”

Junmyeon bites his lip. The actual bite is coming. “Make it last.” He whispers.

“Idiot.” Sehun repeats, and he grabs Junmyeon’s neck and finally, finally dives in.

The bite, it hurts. Sehun’s thick, long fangs sinking into the tender muscle of Junmyeon’s neck, they hurt. But somehow, on top of all of that, Junmyeon’s chest hurts more. It _stings_ in a way his pierced skin doesn’t, constricting painfully at the physical closeness with Sehun, _Sehun_ , whom he hasn’t felt this close to himself in so, so unfairly long, that one person who always, always managed to bring a smile onto his face when he was feeling down, the person he— hell, he’s had Sehun _in_ him, both physically and not, and—

Sobbing uncontrollably, Junmyeon circles his arms around Sehun’s thin waist, his waist that still feels exactly like it used to, strong but lithe, and hugs the vampire closer, hugs him one last time, crying into his chest like he always used to, at night, when his insecurities took the best of him.

It’s so unfair. So, so unfair. So _cruel_.

He’ll miss him so bad.

“I-I…” He wants to tell him. One last time, now that he can. “I-I loved you s-so much, Sehunnie… I-I still…” He starts feeling faint, his head swimming. It really is the end. “I still… do…”

He distantly feels Sehun remove his fangs from his neck, feels him stepping back. It’s cold, it’s cold and he can’t stand on his own two feet, his head swimming so bad that he feels like he’s floating. Junmyeon falls on his knees onto the hard, wet ground in front of his lover of lost days, the sound muffled by the grass and the dead leaves scattered all over.

Looking up at Sehun one last time, his vision blurry and gray, he can’t help but think back to the first time Sehun told him he loved him. They were so happy, back then. So happy.

It’s such a shame they ended up like this.

Junmyeon’s bottom lip trembles pathetically as his heart starts giving up in his chest. “Y-you’re always g-going to—“ he coughs, feeling the last traces of his life slipping out of him along with his breath. “—you’re always going to be t-the only one f-for me...”

And oh, what a sight. Sehun almost looks… concerned, like he always did when Junmyeon broke down crying in front of him. It can’t be real, he must have imagined it, or maybe it’s the tears impairing his vision, he thinks dazedly as he lets his body sag lifelessly onto the cold, wet ground.

_At least_ , he thinks, _at least I got to see you one last time._

It’s with a tired, weak smile on his face that Junmyeon lets out his last breath.

Junmyeon wakes up again on the first night of November of that same year, finding himself lying on the cold, humid wood flooring of what seems to be a house, probably in the woods, he thinks, smelling a hint of pine in the air, and his heart doesn’t beat anymore, nothing but a lifeless stone in his chest.

A strange, unfamiliar feeling of thirst forces him on his feet as soon as he opens his eyes, not leaving him any time to think or question the way things are now, the way his gums hurt, the way he doesn’t need to breathe any longer, and when he raises his gaze he knows for a fact that if he had a heart still, it would start racing madly because _oh_ , there he is, Sehun, _his Sehun_ , standing at the end of the room in all his undead glory, his upper chest and neck left bare by the deep v-cut of his black shirt, looking at Junmyeon with the shadow of smile hiding in the curled corners his lips.

And Junmyeon falls, again, _hard_ , just like the first time.

**Author's Note:**

> damnn haha if you catch me crying just look away [face with sunglasses emoji]


End file.
